Doc-ter Heckle & Mr. West

                  There is a lot more mystery surrounding Delonte West than there is fact. What we do know about the enigmatic guard is what we're allowed to see by the NBA or what is leaked by scoundrels to better blogs than this one, and even much of that is here-say and rumor. We know he's a sick shooting guard but is better at the point and can run the floor from the 1 or the 2. We know he takes anti-depressants and suffers from bi-polar disorder. We know he's a lethal sniper from beyond the arc. We know that he was pulled over on the side of a Maryland Highway after cutting off a Police Car in an usual motorcycle carrying a guitar case that contained no guitars, but instead a loaded shotgun and two loaded handguns. We know he has a weird and unfortunate facial birth mark. We know he's half African-American and half Piscataway Indian, which explains why his game is often called "lacrosse-like and alcoholic" (ok, fuck you I made that up).

                   And, we know that he may or may not have had sex with Lebron James' batshit crazy mother Gloria.

"This is because I'm black right?"
The type of motorcycle Mr. West was on when he cut off a police car doing 85 mph while carrying a guitar case full of loaded guns.

                 Tomorrow night, Delonte comes off a 10 game-suspension for the gun incident but also maybe for screwing the golden gooses mommy too. The NBA and David Stern have a long history of bearded suspensions. Many players test positive for marijuana and end up getting suspended for being late to practice or if it's a big star maybe get an odd ankle sprain that last 5 games.
                   Or of course if you're a degenerate gambler and your name is Michael Jordan you can just go play minor league baseball for a year.
                    The Gloria James rumor may as well be true now because everyone simply believes it to be. This is the kind of thing sports fans cling onto like A-Rod clings to a blond strippers manly shoulders. (See.) Of course, Delonte banging Queen James might have been a great career move. The Celtics drafted Delonte in 2004 and had high hopes for him. So did the fans, during those years all we had was a little league mentality of watching young players develop into trade bait.
                     But then the mysterious side Mr. West comes out, he's getting into scuffles, problematic, moody and he gets traded even though he's a great player. So long, you're a nice guy, good luck to you. This type of deal happens all the time. "Hey, he's not a great fit here, maybe he'd be a great fit there." What doesn't happen all the time is the same player returning to said team after playing for their rival alongside one of the greatest players to ever touch a basketball whilst fucking said players mother.
                       That's a very unique player and weapon in Docs arsenal.

A really great fan who probably works at Kinkos.

          Doc Rivers and Danny Ainge were both mindfuckers as players and they're both mindfuckers now. Like it or not the Heat are our new rivals in the East. They may be struggling right now, but they're most likely gonna get it going around the All-Star Game and be troublesome. What better way than to literally have a crazy motherfucker on the court covering their best guy. Even if it's not true it doesn't matter, it's folklore now and in the minds of hoopheads it's gospel. Imagine what crowds at both arenas will be yelling when they play. Even the legit media gets in on it.
         Who cares if he wants to smack Von Wafer around a little bit here and there, he's a moody guy. I know from being in comedy, talented people are often moody. They also often take anti-depressants. They rarely can afford designer motorcycles. He can be controlled, look at Josh Hamilton. Ok, a little annoying but...

A Delonte Fan rocking black socks at Fenway.

                            The Boston Celtics have already entered the season at nice little clip, heading into Wed. night at 8 and 2. That's with The aging O'Neal's dealing with their injuries and extended Nate Robinson minutes. Delonte coming back can only help, I wouldn't expect him to light up the scoreboard tomorrow night, although I wouldn't be shocked if he did. From what I've heard from various news outlets is that he's spent this whole time in the gym. I saw him playing during the pre-season against the Raptors. He's in great shape, and he's a beast. He totally fucked us when he played for Cleveland and he's a guy you'd rather have on your team (unless your Mom puts out) than against you. 

                  So. Welcome Back Mr. West. Please take you're meds until the seasons over and stay away from Ray Allens mom.